used to be fun....

....thailand that is...all of SEA (southeast asia), for that matter. it used to be fun, what a Westerner expected; howler monkeys screaming in the jungles, the buzz of insects getting louder as the heat rose, then sotto voce as a cloud darkened the landscape, then rise again higher, to a pitch where it was all there was, all that ever was, as the sun filtered shadows through palms dusting the air. the rubber trees in perfect formation, jungles so green, so lush they breathed and pushed out to overtake the roads, the air filled with incense to buddha, a whore wearing 'obsession' would mingle, sea breezes, monster clouds thumping down so low you could snatch them, rise up and bounce.

tamarind trees with petite leaves would shimmy among the elephant ear palms as they reached down to grab me, kitty in the basket, winding our way through the jungle roads on our motorbike. "oh no kitty, look out!" the cat with ears pinned back by the wind, was fearless, hunkered down, licking. we would stop at a place in the jungle we loved, drink chang beer, 'lil' miss mouse face' would have a can of cat food, hiss at jinitras' dogs & cat, get all humped up on the table, they'd slink away after i smoothed her down. i smoked cigarettes, heard wind chimes on the porch at the house, the cheap painted glass chimes from stolers' with the creaky wood floors, poor lighting. mom always got them i thought because they were delicate, adding to the summer, the birds, her hollyhocks, the cat and the dopey little cow bell he had to wear as he stalked. it seemed to me to be a musical note nature, unable to provide, whispered to mom to bring to this party. in this bubble, gazing out into endless jungle, cat on my lap purring, no one else but jinitra to ask quietly if i wanted another chang, this had always been all that ever was.